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October 29, 2002

I passed Leader Training! YIPPEE! YAHOOOOOO! Wow, I can't believe it! I feel like i'm living in a dream! I must say that I now truly believe with all my heart that we (meaning you too) can achieve all our goals and dreams in life. Here's the secret - all you have to do is believe that you CAN achieve it, and want it bad enough, and have a reason strong enough to keep going, and never, ever, give up, no matter what. And then, eventually, after you've been tested (to see if you'll give up) and pass that test, then you will achieve your goals. Really, it's true. Trust me on this one. So, whatever your goal is, just do it. Just keep going and never give up. Because your goal is just out there WAITING FOR YOU! Now, go out there and get it!

O.k., so... wow. Leader Training Weekend. What an experience! It pulled my emotions every which way, made me very sleep deprived, and challenged me in new and wonderful ways. The trainers were wonderful and inspiring. And challenging. Did I mention it was challenging? It was. The challenging part for me was answering the tough "why" questions. The night before our "final exam" we had a one-on-one with one of the trainers to talk about how we were doing. My trainer asked me some very tough questions. For example, why did I leave WW back in 1996 when I was doing so well, and "almost" achieving my goal? Why did I do that again several times over the years in between then and now? Why would I regain weight after knowing what I had to do to lose it? Why would I eat entire bags of "snack size" candies, in secret? I was ashamed of myself, miserable, hated myself for it, and I hated the way I felt and looked as a result of my behaviors, and yet I continued to have these destructive behaviors. I was so ashamed, embarrassed, I had no self-confidence at all, and the truth is I was really sad most of the time. WHY? Why, why, why?

At first my answers were: life circumstances, cockiness, FOOD! But there was something else there. And the trainer challenged me to delve deeper into the underlying reasons and feelings and thoughts that made me choose those actions I took. So, needless to say, that night I got very, very little sleep. I stayed up and wrote down my feelings, trying to recount those days of going off program (which is sometimes hard to remember, it was a while ago, and seems like a different LIFETIME now!) What I finally realized was that the reason this time was so different from all those other times I joined and left Weight Watchers over the years was that THIS time, I changed from the inside out. I changed the way I thought about myself, and my body followed along. This time around, I used the Tools for Living, including Empowering Beliefs, which made me write out, and realize, that I deserved to achieve my goals, and that I am truly capable of achieving it. That I have all the resources INSIDE ME that I need to achieve my goals. I used Positive Self-Talk to constantly remind myself of all the positive things about myself, and of what I really wanted. I used Winning Outcomes to write out my real goals - even though I already knew in my mind that my goal was to lose weight and be healthy - but writing it out made me more aware of it, and helped me keep those goals in sharp focus, even when distractions, obstacles, and temptations came along.

The truth is, I did not truly have faith in my ability to accomplish my goals before. I did not truly feel I deserved to achieve my goal. It was not until I used the Tools for Living that I realized that I really did have everything I needed to succeed, and that I deserved to achieve my goals. I remember an exercise my wonderful leader Katie had us do once - to write out ten things that we liked about ourselves. That took a long time to do, but I kept the list, and wrote one of those things on the top of each page of my journal. It felt really awkward at first, that I was admitting those things that were good about myself. Like that was wrong, like I should not say good things about myself. But the more I did it, the more I really and truly started to believe those good things about myself. Now I can tell you that I truly do believe I can accomplish all my goals and dreams. That I am truly capable, that I have all the resources I need inside me to achieve my goals. And I am happy to tell you that I finally feel that I truly deserve my goals and dreams. And you know what? YOU DO TOO!

I challenge you, as my wonderful leader Katie challenged me. FORCE yourself to make that list. (At least) 10 things you like about yourself. If something comes into your head, write it down before you change your mind. Even if you say "maybe" write it down. Even if you say "no i'm not really because of that one time when I wasn't." You ARE. Just write it down. Keep writing. Then, write one of those things on the top of each page of your journal. The more times you do this, the more it will sink in, the more you will believe it, the more faith you will start to have that you really do have what it takes to achieve your goal. When it really and truly sinks in that you have everything you need to accomplish your goals, then nothing and noone can take that away from you. Believe it. You can do it!

O.k. That's enough of that. Today is my first mentoring session with my leader mentor - the wonderful leader Katie! I am so honored that MY leader is going to now be my official Mentor! I have four sessions with her as her mentee. Basically going to her meetings, and doing pieces of the meeting each time, and then the final meeting I do the whole thing while she observes. So, I'm really still in training, even though I passed the leader training. Am I explaining that well? Anyway, that will be going on for the next two weeks. Then, hopefully, if all goes well, I'll get some meetings of my very own to lead. I am still trying to convince myself that I'm really awake and this isn't just a dream. A year ago, I would never have believed I would be here today, training to be a Weight Watchers Leader! Amazing.

O.k., now say it with me. YOU CAN ACHIEVE ALL YOUR GOALS AND DREAMS! Now, go get 'em.

October 14, 2002

It has been a whole month since my last journal entry. Too long! A lot has happened since then. I'm now working twice a week as a receptionist for WW, with occassional subbing jobs here and there. I am also DEFINITELY going to LEADER TRAINING! I leave on Thursday! This Thursday! It is hard for me to believe that this goal/dream of mine that I have had for years may come true this week. They are flying me to the city where the training will be held, putting me up in a nice hotel, paying for all my expenses, meals, etc... and also paying me for my time on top of that. Not a bad deal! It is four days of training - which ends on Sunday -- the day of my "final exam", i.e., I have to give a presentation to the group while the trainers grade me. Yikes! I am very nervous about that. If it was just training, and just a presentation, I would not be nervous... it's the GRADING part that scares me! I just want to be PERFECT, but i know that's not possible. GOD - please deliver me from my UM problem! For those of you that are actually reading my journal... let me explain. I have been told that i do pretty well with presentations in front of groups. However, I have ONE annoying habit. SAYING UM LIKE A MILLION TIMES! I have tried dealing with this by putting in writing on top of my notes/index cards DON'T SAY UM (yes, on each card) and yet, I STILL DID IT! I really do not know what else to do except acknowledge that I do it, pray about it, and try as hard as I can to NOT do it. Ack!

On the exercise front, I am fitting it in. Not every day like I want to, but at least 3 times a week. I love Jazzercise so much, I wish I could do it more often. It's so hard with my crazy schedule these days. There are limited times each day to go, and it seems like a lot of those times don't work for me because of WW now. I have not been making it to the gym, but I really have no excuse for that. I've been making it to Jazzercise 2 or 3 times a week, and then doing tapes at home another day or two each week. Jazzercise, and my tapes at home, incorporate toning with weights, and aerobic exercise. However, I really should be doing more. I need to try harder!

Journaling - I challenged myself to do two weeks of journaling, with no breaks at all, not even on Saturday or Sunday. I did it... but then blew it on Saturday (after weigh-in of course!) I was feeling light headed and a little dizzy. I gave it some time to wear off, but it didn't seem to wear off, so I thought maybe I needed some more food LOL! (isn't it funny how that popped up so quickly as a possible reason?) I did not journal what I ate on Saturday, but I didn't go completely nutso either. Anyway, I am back on the wagon, journaling and staying in my points range, and holding strong at 130 lbs.

For those of you reading this that are new to the program, just want to clarify something here. Yes, I'm a Lifetime Member of WW, and I work for WW as a receptionist, and I am training to become a leader. BUT, I am still a WEIGHT WATCHERS MEMBER. That means I have to track my points, I have to journal, I have to exercise, essentially -- follow the Program! Just like before I became a Lifetime Member. I am convinced (with good reason - history has proven this) that I need to stay On Program for the rest of my life. Truly, this is a Lifestyle, not a diet. As such, it never ends. And yes, I have my bad days. But those are not the moments that define me. My defining moments are picking my journal BACK up, and writing down my points, going BACK to the gym. Making it work. Getting BACK on that WW wagon. And that way, I am following the program probably 90% of the time. Should it be 100%? Yes. And I am striving for that. But I'm not perfect. The good news is that we don't have to be perfect. We can try our hardest, do the best we can, and the Plan WILL work, if we work the Program. Even though we're not perfect. Thank God for Weight Watchers! Thank God that I don't have to be perfect!

O.k., enough rambling. I hope I'm making sense here. I'll be sure to write a very long-winded journal entry about my experience at Leader Training!

Thank you for reading. Have a blessed, successful weight loss journey!

September 13, 2002

Well, it's been a whirlwind of excitement the past two weeks. My new job working for Weight Watchers began the same week as the fall semester at school. I have been a very busy woman the past two weeks between my full-time day job (10 hours a day), then taking two night classes, plus working at WW 3 times a week. My workout schedule has been blown to bits. I need to start building it from scratch again. The old schedule/plan does not work anymore! I'm going to have to be more "sneaky" about my workouts. The truth is, I have not exercised other than my increased "lifestyle" exercise (i.e., i use the bathroom two floors away from where I work, i park in the parking lot 1/2 mile away, i always take the stairs everywhere) - anyway, besides that stuff, I have not done any official exercise for at least two weeks! I am NOT happy about this AT ALL! I need to take some drastic action, and NOW! I think my problem is that I used to exercise 1-2 hours a day, so anything less than that does not seem worth it (subconsciously), even though i KNOW that it IS WORTH IT! I have been struggling unsuccessfully with getting up earlier to work out before my day job. My problem is that I get up now at 5:00 a.m. so that I can get to work between 6 - 6:30. I work till 4:30, then I either go to school, or go to WW to work. Then I get home around 9:30 at night. SO, to THEN go to bed (after eating something for dinner!) and set my alarm for 4 a.m.... well, it's just hard to commit to it. It's like I'm a candle being burned from both ends... and if I continue to do that... well, there'll be nothing left in the middle! BUT, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm only working three times a week at WW until i'm fully trained. Then it will be cut down to two times a week. So, that leaves two week nights, besides the nights that I work at WW and have classes, that I have nothing on the schedule. Two nights a week that I can go to the gym or jazzercise. I also have all day Saturday free (after my weigh-in!), as well as Sunday afternoon and evening. So, that is four days a week that I CAN fit in exercise. The biggest hurdle is that now that I'm into my new schedule, on the nights that I do NOT have to work or go to school, i feel like i deserve to just go home and veg, and I am not motivated to go to the gym. But, I know that if i do go, I will have more energy, be healthier, and feel better about myself, and pretty much have a much more positive outlook on life. These are all wonderful reasons for me to exercise! So, I am committing to working out on Monday and Wednesday evenings, and also Saturday morning and Sunday evening. Starting tomorrow (Saturday!) I will put this new schedule into effect. I am hereby committing myself to this new exercise schedule!

In other news, I finally gave Kashi Good Friends Cinna-Raisin Cereal a try, after hearing countless fellow weight-watchers talk about it. I loved it! You can eat a lot of it for only a few points since it's so low-fat and high fiber. It's so yummy and crunchy and filling and satisfying. I am officially HOOKED! It's a great breakfast. I had two cups of it this morning, dry, with my large coffee with skim milk. I like eating it dry because it is so crunchy, and it takes longer to eat. I enjoyed it immensely.

My weight is still under my WW goal, last week weigh in was ?132? around there, and my WW goal is 135, although I really like the 130 # better. :-) Even though I'm in my healthy range, I feel sluggish because of the lack of exercise lately. I feel like all my hard earned muscle is going away, and i'm increasing my fat stores again. :-( I need to get back into exercise so i don't feel like that anymore! Not a good feeling.

What else? I just finished reading a really good book called The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. Really great story. It's about the wives of Jacob, the narrarator is Dinah, the daughter of Leah. It was so interesting, really made me ponder what life must have been like for women during that time. Of course, I have to force myself to remember that this is FICTION. It is historical fiction, so it is important that I remind myself that although the events in this book coincide with events in the Bible -- the Bible is the Truth, and this is just a fictional account of what life may have been like for the women in that family. But an excellent book - I could not put it down, read it in less than one week, which is very rare for me these days.

O.k., that's it for now!

What a great weekend! Friday was my last "summer hours" Friday off. I spent it at a Spa! I have never spent a day at a spa before. It was so incredible! I wish I could live there. I met my friend there early for lunch, which was excellent. We had black bean soup (yummy!) My spa day included a facial, massage, paraffin body wrap, hair style, pedicure, and manicure. And in between each, you go into the relaxation room. A dimly lit room with comfy chairs and ottomans, pitchers of ice water with slices of cucumber, herbal tea, coffee, soothing music, and peace and quiet. Aaaaaah. I think the reason that women like spa days so much is because women in general are the ones that take care of everyone else. When you spend the day at the spa, you don't even have to think. It's all taken care of for you. You are taken care of, and pampered, all day. I mean, you don't even have to pour your own water. I am so very glad that I did this. I will have to start planning my next visit! Then, that night, after my day at the Spa, I went out to dinner to a new restaurant owned by someone we know from a previous restaurant he owned. We were both anxious to try it because we know he can cook! It was excellent. I had the shrimp bisque... and some other insignificant things. Next time, I'm just getting the shrimp bisque. That stuff was delicious. I have never tasted anything like it. No clue what the points are though!

On Saturday, after attending my WW weekly meeting, I went shopping with a fellow WW Lifetime member. There were some great one-day sales on Saturday! I guess it was all "back to school" sales. I finally have a closet full of clothing that is entirely in my size. Hurray! Now the weather just needs to cool off a bit so I can wear all my new autumn and winter clothing. Need some sweater weather! The problem is that now that I am at my goal weight, I really love shopping for clothing. Totally new experience for me. I really need to control myself or I could become a shopaholic. It is strange because I used to hate shopping, and would hardly ever buy myself clothing. Then, Saturday evening, I went to see the movie Simone. That movie was o.k., not great. I should have seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Sunday morning I worked my first Weight Watchers meeting as a receptionist (in training). I loved it! I have a lot to learn (lots of little details in the job) but I really enjoyed it. I have a feeling I'm going to really love working for Weight Watchers. I work another meeting tonight. I can't wait! I love the people that I am working with, and I love talking to the members. It is such a great job. I can't believe I'm actually working for Weight Watchers now. It is a dream come true. I also got an update on the new center opening in my town. This is exciting because it is certain they will need more leaders when it opens in a few months -- right around the time I'll be eligible for leader training. It seems too good to be true. Perfect timing!

You would think that now that I have reached my Weight Watchers goal weight, and become a Lifetime Member, that life would become routine, boring even, with no more challenges. That counting points, exercising, staying within my goal weight would be easy, second nature. NOT!

That's the common misconception about "dieting" in general. The "diet" never ends. Not if I want the weight to stay off. Everything that got me here, I need to continue to do, and then some! I guess that's why WW stresses that this is a way of life, and not a diet. They want to drill it into our brains that we need to take this on for the rest of our lives, not just till we cross that finish line called our goal weight.

So, what's new and exciting? A lot!

I have been very interested in finding out what my body fat % is. I was thinking about buying one of those home monitors, but have heard they are not very accurate. I joined the gym at my work over a year ago, but then did not stick with it after about a month or so. However, when I first signed up, I had a fitness evaluation done with a trainer there. So, this past Thursday, I met with her again to have her check my body fat % with her caliper-thingy. Unfortunately, it turned out that my body fat was not checked when I met with her over a year ago, because at the time, I was very overweight, and the trainer told me that it does not give a very accurate reading when you are extremely overweight. Anyway, at least I got a reading this time. She said I have 14% body fat, give or take 3%. And she said that was actually low. I was in complete shock! She was very impressed with my success. The only thing she said I could use more of is weight training (I've been slacking on that lately.) This evening I will be getting back into my weight training routine.

In other news, I twisted my ankle, TWICE in two weeks! This is so frustrating! The first time was in my Jazzercise class. I am such a clutz. I guess I was trying to go in two directions at once. sashe-ing left and right at the same time. So, then I took a week off from aerobic exercise because I wanted to make sure my ankle was completely healed before I started again, to prevent further injury. Then, on saturday, I had an impromptu badminton game in my backyard, and was wearing my healed sandals (big mistake!) I ran after that birdie and twisted my ankle on a slight incline in the yard. Same ankle! So, it looks like there won't be any jazzercise for at least another week now. Very frustrating. How am I supposed to stay in the habit of exercise when I can't do any aerobic activity that uses my feet, ankle, or leg? Ack! But the good part about this is that I have realized how blessed I am to have legs, knees, feet, ankles, that all usually work very well. I take for granted that I'm healthy and have no handicaps that prevent me from enjoying pretty much any activity I want to participate in. And for so long, I was not taking advantage of that. Now, every time I take the stairs instead of the elevator, or walk to the parking lot 1/2 mile from my work, I will offer up thanks to God that I can.

And now some very exciting news. I have started the process of becoming a Weight Watchers Leader! I attended an "informational meeting" at WW on Thursday. It was great. The regional director, and one of the other WW leaders were both there, and I was the only person to attend the meeting, so I had them all to myself. It was wonderful. I learned a lot about working for WW, and they learned a lot about me. I learned that I have a lot to learn! At the end of the meeting, they pretty much told me I was hired. Hurray! Here's the catch though. I have to train and work as a receptionist for at least 3 months before they will consider letting me train to be a leader. I realize the importance of learning all that the receptionist has to do, because often, I see that the leaders have to do all the same things that the receptionists do at the meetings. I just thought that would be a part of the leader training. But apparently not. These are two different jobs, with two different sets of training. The key here is I need to learn PATIENCE! I have to have patience, persistence, focus, prepare... all the things that got me through the WW program successfully. After the meeting I was handed a thick packet of paperwork to fill out, and was told to fill out all the forms, and then mail it to the regional director's home address. When she receives that, she will start the ball rolling for me. Of course, I had it all filled out and in the mail the same day! So, we'll see what happens with that. It seems I have picked a very good time to become a Leader. They are in the process of opening a new center, right in my town. So, they will need more people to work all the new meetings. Hurray! I will keep you updated on that.

Let's see. What else can I share? Oh, I read two books that are so hilarious and fun to read. I read both within two weeks time. The first is called Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding. Even if you have seen the movie, you should read the book too. HYSTERICAL! If you have dieted for most of your life, or have been a single adult for any length of time, you will be able to relate to this very funny story. Bridget is everywoman. The other book I read is the "sequel" to BJD, entitled Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. This one is ALSO hysterical. You must read them both! If you liked the movie BJD, you will absolutely LOVE these books. And if you are a dieter, you will be in tears from laughing so much. Trust me... read these books. Laughter is good for the soul.

My thought for the week: simplify. Oh gosh, I hope I don't sound like a cliche. But over the weekend, and over the past week, I've been challenged by things I've read and seen. I feel like I've gotten so superficial lately, so wrapped up in "stuff". Seems like the more I have, the more I want. Like the song by Madonna "More". Ever heard that one? But finally, yesterday, after having these things in my face over and over again, it finally occurred to me: I don't NEED this stuff! I read an article about a woman who was diagnosed with cancer, and how it really made her change her priorities in life, and realize what was truly important. Then I read an article about "living lean" which was about people that have been laid off from their jobs, and shared tips about how to save money. Although I haven't been laid off from my job, I still thought the tips were good, made sense, and made me ashamed that I'm pretty much the complete OPPOSITE of thrifty! I spend money foolishly so often. Just out of the convenience factor. I figure I can afford it, so why not. I'm getting worse and worse. So, I've decided to stop here and not go any further, before I have a live in maid and cook! Some tips I got were to not use credit cards to make any purchases, if you can't afford to buy it with cash, then don't buy it. Period. Comparison shop the different grocery stores to get the best deals on everything, and use coupons. Don't hire people to do things you can do yourself. Eat all meals at home (yikes! i practically eat NONE at home!). Also, I'm going to start selling stuff on ebay. Hey, if I'm going to get rid of my junk, might as well make some money off of it! I've got some beautiful suits and dresses I spent a fortune on, but are way too big for me now. I've also got tons of books I don't need anymore. And just lots of junk! How about some football cards LOL! Or a beenie baby... Or a set of Disney books & read along tapes.... You would just not believe this stuff. Time to get rid of the junk! Hey, who knows, this might be the beginning of a very profitable business!

I almost didn't post about this in my online journal because it's not directly related to my weight loss journey... but it is a major decision in my life, so I felt it appropriate to share it here. I guess it's all part of this journey to a healthier lifestyle. Healthier body, healthier mind, healthier spirit! I remember when I was about 20 years old, all I wanted was a little shack by the sea. No luxuries, just the sea air, and someone special to share it with, someone with the same simple tastes. What happened to that girl?

Wow, it's been over a month since my last journal entry! Want to hear all my wonderful excuses? Here we go. I have been travelling a lot, it's summer time, I was on vacation, I was very very busy. And now you want to hear the real reason? I've been straying from the plan. I've gotten away with it so far, but I need to CUT IT OUT! I've been staying on plan during the week, while I'm at work. But, as soon as the weekend comes, or I have a day off, I'm totally out of control. But then I go back to work and make up for it by being a "saint" for the week. This is a terrible, unhealthy pattern! I'm maintaining my weight so far by doing this, but it really sucks. If I could just control myself on the weekends, not deny myself, but control myself, then I wouldn't have to deny myself all week to make up for it. I know, in my brain, that I can eat all the foods I love and still stay on plan, and in my points. But I get greedy. And cocky. Knowing that I can "splurge" on the weekend, and then make up for it during the week. Also, knowing that I would be out of town on the Saturday that I usually weigh in, gives me an excuse to overeat.

What happened to my RESOLVE? My LIFESTYLE CHANGE? It's like i'm dieting, and bingeing. What a horrible cycle!

O.k., here's my new resolve. Yes, a new one. Again. I WILL journal EVERY DAY. Not just during the week days. I WILL stay within my points range every day. I will only have ONE "splurge" MEAL a week, NOT A WHOLE DAY! I will exercise at least 5 times a week, for at least 60 minutes.

I am travelling again this weekend. I will miss my weigh in again. Here's the game plan. I will pack healthy low point snacks to eat along the journey and in the hotel room. I will bank points so that when I'm at the party, I can have what everyone else is having, but I will have to exercise PORTION CONTROL. I will find a way to fit in exercise! I'll bring my running shoes and one workout outfit. And no matter what, I will journal!

This past weekend I had the Jazzercise convention. It was so much fun! But, I used all the extra exercise I got as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted, in whatever quantity I wanted. How foolish! The sad thing is that when I eat an entire bag of baked doritos, half way through the bag, it's not even about the taste anymore. It's about finishing the bag. Like I'm rebelling or something. What am I trying to prove? That I can do it? LOL! I know I can! I have proven it a few times now, so there's no need to go there again!

My goals, which I believe I already wrote in one of my previous entries, are still: to start a regular running training schedule and stick to it - and before the end of 2003, to run a marathon. I would also like to pursue becoming a Weight Watchers Leader. I truly believe that as much as I screw up, my experience, success, and perseverance can inspire and help other weight watchers members. I also feel that becoming a leader will help me to not "backslide" back down this big mountain i've climbed.

At the end of August, I begin school again. I'm taking two night classes. This will be a challenge for me in more ways than one. It will be a challenge because I normally just take one class at a time, since I work full time and it's a struggle to find enough time to study, and still have time to spend with friends and family! Now, it will be even more challenging to fit in my exercise with an extra class and extra studying! My goal is to get in the habit of running before work each day. Then, on the nights when I don't have school, I can also go to Jazzercise. Before or after Jazzercise, I will spend an hour - two hours studying each night. This will hopefully still leave time to spend with family and friends! If I can successfully set up my library/study room in my home, that will save time from going to the library. But, when I study at the library, I tend to get a lot more accomplished, since there aren't any distractions. We'll see how that all goes!

June 10, 2002 ~ GOAL!

I DID IT! Saturday weigh in was 134.6! I've lost 51 pounds since the first week of January and finally, finally, after about 6 years of being on-again-off-again on Weight Watchers, I have reached my Weight Watchers GOAL WEIGHT! The first time I weighed in at Weight Watchers back in 1996, I was ~198.5 lbs. So, that means that over all, I have lost 63.9 lbs.! I am now wearing a size SIX pants! And fit into size SMALL shirts! It is truly amazing. Not only do I look better, but I feel so much better, physically as well as mentally. I feel so much more self-confident. It is so much easier for me now to just TALK to people. Amazing how my self-esteem was so wrapped up in my weight.

Six weeks from now I will be an official Lifetime Member at Weight Watchers. I am so excited! That is something that has been a major dream/goal in my life for the past six years. I can't believe I'm finally here.

Now it's time to start some new goals. One dream of mine for many years has been to become a Weight Watchers Leader. I don't know if that's possible, but I'm going to try. I think from all my past struggles, and my success, I really could offer a lot to the other members. I feel like if I could do this, anyone can. I would like to help other people to realize that they CAN do this, and to encourage them in their journeys. Since Encouragement was identified as one of my "gifts" in a class I took a long time ago, I think that being a WW leader would be a GREAT way to utilize that talent!

Other personal goals of mine are to tone my muscles more, run a LOT more, and someday run and finish a marathon!

I think that having these new goals will be a great way to continue to challenge myself and not get bored with the Program. I need new challenges, New Resolves as Katie would say (my wonderful Weight Watchers Leader!) so that I don't start to backslide.

Let's see. What else? I got a new haircut on Friday (my first "summer hours" friday off from work). It's short, kind of a bob, with a lot of blonde highlights. I've been curling it up at the ends so it's like a reverse bob! LOL! Everyone probably thinks I'm a freak. I just wanted a new look to go with my new body. I'm also in the process of planning my latest "reward" - a day at the Red Door Spa, to celebrate my Victory!

Also, for becoming a Lifetime Member, I'm going to start planning my cruise as my "grand prize"!

In other news, I went on two really long bike rides over the weekend. Lots of fun! Also tried a new yoga/pilates class at my gym on Saturday. Instructor was great, great class. I will have to go again! (Note to self - bring your yoga mat next time! :)

Well, that's all I can think of at the moment.... Oh, and I'm currently reading a book called Peace like a River.

That's it for today!

Wow, it's been too long. My weight according to Weight Watchers as of right now is 140.6. But, I didn't weigh in this past weekend because I was out of town. I hate missing meetings! Let's see, what's going on?

I am so close to goal now. My WW goal is 135. My personal goal may be a little lower than that, but we'll see when I get there. I still have a big fat spare tire around my middle. But maybe I just need to tone more. I have been inconsistent lately with my diet. Not good. Weekend I totally pigged out in New Hampshire. I am o.k. during the day, just the nights are snack time. I need to get back to tracking, even on days when I know I'll be going over. At least that way I KNOW what i'm doing, and i'm not out of control.

I've joined the WOW gym. I like it because it has a women's only section. I run a lot on the treadmill there, and i've added some abdominal machine work too. I need to meet with a trainer and get a regular weight lifting routine started. I've been really procrastinating about that for fear of gaining muscle that weighs more than fat, and not reaching my personal weight loss goal. It's really silly. I'm still doing Jazzercise a few times a week, and still love it. Toying with the idea of going to a Jazzercise convention in RI next month...

My sister has joined me in exercise and WW, but she doesn't attend the WW meetings or weigh in there because she can't afford it. But she's been following the plan with me, and has lost 8 pounds so far since she's been here! I'm so proud of her. She's anxious to lose more and faster, but I remind her that healthy weight loss takes time. It's hard to understand that...

Let's see, what else? I finished my math class and got an A. Yay! I have the summer off from school, and have every other Friday off from work. Yay! Summer hours. Very cool. But, I'm working 4 x 10's the rest of the days during those weeks when I have Fridays off, which screws up my existing workout schedule, which was already pretty tight and rushed! So, i'll have to work on that...

I guess that's all the news for now. Hurray for summer! Longer days, more sunshine, warmth, beach, and exercise! Yippee!

Journal April 8, 2002

Down 2.8 pounds this week. This week I'm starting to get serious about weight lifting. I'm sick of my un-toned body. Gotta get ready for bikini season!!

April 1, 2002

It's the month of April! Wooo hooo! Spring has arrived! Spring is so exciting. Weather getting warmer, sunnier, longer days, more chances to get outside and exercise! Yippee! Yesterday I took a walk around my neighborhood. It was fun. Saturday weigh in I was down 3.2 lbs. Just found out that my sister will probably be coming to stay for a LONG visit sometime this month. She and her two toddlers and big dog. I'm excited, and a little frightened. I hope we can all get along o.k. for the extended visit. I'm looking forward to spending a lot of quality time with the neice and nephew, and of course my sister. And I'm also looking forward to exercising with that big Rottweiler! Hopefully she'll be up to it LOL!

I've decided to really challenge myself for the month of April. My goal is to lose 8 lbs. this month, and make sure I drink all my water every day, track all my points each day, and exercise at least 5 days a week. Even if I can just get out there and walk I will be happy. God help me to do this! I want to be healthy and lose this weight!

March 26, 2002

Well, I'm finally getting around to this. Current weight according to WW is 161.6, that's down 24 lbs. total, but I haven't weighed in with WW since 3/16 because I was out of town this past weekend. And thanks to Jazzercise I think we'll be lower than that at weigh in this Saturday. Even though I don't deserve to be lower because this weekend while I was at The Castle I pigged out big time! That's a bed & BREAKFAST with a heavy accent on the breakfast! It was soooo great, and the owner sent us home with recipes...help!!!

In other news, I have finally found an exercise routine that I really love. JAZZERCISE is my "thing"! I'm really loving it. It's like taking an aerobics class, but a little more like dancing. It's fun, it gets that heart beating, and it also does some toning with hand weights. I've been doing that a few times a week, and I supplement that by doing videos at home (one Crunch video which is a combo cardio/toning, and also a Sweatin' to the Oldies.)

Let's see...what else....My sister Sue might become my WWing buddy. We're going to try to e-mail our journals to eachother every day. I sent her mine from yesterday but haven't heard from her yet. Also finally got my subscription to Fitness Magazine. I love that magazine...great fitness tips, and the reader success stories are awesome and very motivational. The scantily clad girls on the cover I could do without...but I guess they're kinda motivational too in their own way?

March 11, 2002

Wow, it's been a whole month since I journaled on here! So much has happened! Still going strong with my new "way of life"...a.k.a. weight watchers! I am such a devoted fan of weight watchers. Completely "brain-washed" so to speak. When people talk about their better, healthier way of life with no carbs I just throw my head back and LAUGH OUT LOUD! I can eat the carbs I love and still lose weight. Why should I deprive myself of the largest part of the food pyramid? Carbs are good food! Of course, we need balance. We need to eat all the different parts of the food pyramid...even that "evil" one...FAT! Hey, fat makes stuff taste GOOD! O.k., off the soap box. I've lost a total of 23.4 lbs. so far. But I am still not in a regular exercise program! I've been waiting for a friend of mine to go with me to sign up for Jazzercise, but I've decided that after work today, no matter what her answer is to my invitation, I'm going, and signing up at the gym down the street from my house. I'm joining the gym, and exercising TODAY! No more waiting. I'm so excited that i've been losing weight consistently, but now I want to start concentrating on toning. Making sure I'm gaining a little muscle, losing lots of my extra fat. The backs of my arms, and my thighs could really use a little toning.

In other news, just got back from a trip to Saskatchewan. Drove all the way there and back. On the way home, we drove straight through, only stopping for gas and food. It took 36 hours. But it was a great trip.

February 11, 2002

Down 3.6 pounds this week, for a total of 17. Hurray! I am only 33.6 pounds away from goal. This Sunday, I'm leaving for a two week road trip to Saskatchewan. For in-car snacks, I'm going to limit myself to fruit. That way I won't snack the whole way, and be forced to only eat when we stop for meals. I'm toying with the idea of giving myself pretzels as well. But I might overdo it even with just plain old pretzels. Maybe little snack bags would help...I hope and pray that I can keep my resolve while I'm away. The word "vacation" sometimes makes me feel like I'm on "vacation" from my diet. Hmmmm. Maybe the word "diet" is really the problem here. If this is my life, and the food that I eat and the portions are not just for a limited time, but for my whole LIFE, then i can never go on vacation from that. It goes with me wherever I go. Hmmmmm. Do those rules apply to cruise ships too? Aren't all rules void in international waters??? Oh boy. I still have a lot to learn. I just have to keep chanting my mantra "No Food Tastes as Good as Thin Feels!"

February 3, 2002

Down 1.2 Pounds this week. That brings my total loss (this time around) to 13.4 lbs. That's my cat Sebastian. I look at Sebastian and I think "I lost that much weight already. Wow!" Now is where it gets difficult. That great first month back on plan is over, and the weight starts coming off more slowly. I must somehow stay motivated. At a rate of 1.5 pounds a week (let's be optimistic ;-) it will take me 25 weeks...That'll be July 27th to be exact! before I reach my goal weight of 135 lbs. However, my WW leader, who is FABULOUS says that we must not think of that # as the end...this is a lifestyle change for the rest of our lives, so it shouldn't matter how long it takes to reach goal...well sure, that's all fine and dandy for her to say, she's already skinny and beautiful! I want to be skinny and beautiful TODAY. However, July will be here before I know it, that's really not long at all. Time seems to go by faster and faster as I get older! And I'm only 30! Scary. Anywho, I guess it would be easier to break it down into mini-goals, like those on my "prizes" page. I must concentrate on those goals, to keep my motivation up. It doesn't help that my DH doesn't seem to notice, or care about all my efforts to be healthier. He won't notice till I'm a size 6 probably. He's not very observant. Oh, unless of course I have a zit somewhere...

Geez, I'm sure in a foul mood today. I should not be concentrating on the negative! On to positive things!

Let's go over some major accomplishments lately. Firstly, last night we had a ton of pizza at the house for a meeting my DH and his buddies were having. So, anyway, there was all this pizza, but I had saved up my points. This time, I had points enough for two slices, and I had already written down in my WW journal that I was going to have two slices = 15 points. And that's just what I did. I took two slices, and got the rest of it onto another floor of the house, a floor that I was not staying on. Hurray for me! Not a big deal? You have no idea. That was the least amount of a pizza I have eaten in a very long time.

Then, this a.m., I craved dunkin do-do's. I figured out how many points a coffee roll would be (6), a doughnut (5), and a bagel (7). I decided on the highest! I wanted that everything bagel like you would not believe. But, I had at least looked up the points first, wrote it in my journal so I owned it, and then planned ahead. In other words, I took my spray bottle of ICBINB with me, so I wouldn't have to add another "who knows how many" points for the ton of butter they put on it. I ordered my toasted everything bagel, plain (nothing added to it), and my black cup o joe. Got back into my car, and sprayed the ICBINB spray on it (0 points) and slowly enjoyed the first half of that bagel. Then I stopped, realizing I was quite satisfied with that half, and had no need, nor desire, to eat the other half. ANOTHER BIG WOOP WOOP WOOP for Phat~Lirpa!!! Major milestones here! Who cares that I ONLY lost 1.2 pounds this week, and it'll take me till July to get to "goal". I am IN CONTROL!!! Hurray for me! Nothing is going to stop me now! Lookout string bikini rack, here I come!!!!! :-)

January 28, 2002

Down another 3.8 Pounds! I am on a roll! That makes a total of 12.2 pounds loss, according to weight watchers (this time around) even though my all time high (200) would give me a total loss of 26.6. Yippee! Let's see. What's new? I started my Intermediate Algebra class on Thursday night. I really enjoyed it! I forgot how much I love math. I love the feeling of figuring out a solution, and then finding out I'm right! It's the only place in life where there is a set-in-stone answer to each question. I really like that. My only problem is that there is a TON of homework to do! Plus, I am still getting the hang of using my graphing calculator, which I had to purchase especially for this class (got it for $86.00 on ebay, it was $125 retail!) In other news, I tried my Cindy Crawford workout tape on Saturday, which emphasises using hand weights for exercises. I thought it was a breeze until I woke up the next morning. Ouch! I could hardly walk! And i'm still sore two days later! The problem is that I can't workout again until I can at least walk without falling LOL! Hopefully one more day will do the trick, since I have yoga tomorrow night. I guess the rest will give me more time to do my math homework. Exercising my brain at least. This week I get to start using exercise points. Saturday was my first time using them, and it was so exciting to eat three slices of pizza, but then I was STUFFED to the point of feeling sick. Next time I'll stop after two. I guess that was a good sign, because I used to be able to eat half a pizza without getting sick to my stomach. So I assume that means my stomach has gotten smaller perhaps? And now I probably stretched it out again LOL! Oh well. You live and learn. But the thing is, I felt guilty for using those points, like I was cheating, even though I was within my points range (including my activity points!) I guess the test will be getting on that scale next Saturday. However, I'm also worried that doing the Cindy Crawford tape with the weights will make me build up muscles, which means more weight on the scale. I know those muscles are good for me, but I just can't stand to see that scale not go down, or worse, go back up! I'll just have to wait and see.

January 22, 2002

Yahoo! Weighed in on Saturday DOWN THREE POUNDS! Aunt Flo did NOT defeat me! So, what's new and exciting? Well, I'm still journaling every day. Thank God. He's been a big help! This week, my lightbulb was that God cares about me. I know that seems like one of those cliché statements, but I just got this overwhelming feeling of how much God cares about me, even the little stuff, like finding a low-cal version of a recipe I wanted to make. He just dropped it into my lap at my Weight Watcher's meeting, and it blew me away. Coincidence? You could say that, but it literally brought me to tears when I thought about it later that day in my car. I mean, I had been looking all week for a recipe for Shepherd's Pie, and I found one on the internet (epicurious.com), and I sat there and switched a few of the ingredients for lower cal options, then figured out all the points, and it still amounted to 16 points per serving! Then, at the WW meeting on Saturday morning (I was planning to make it for dinner Saturday night) that little card they give you each week with a recipe on it had a recipe for Shepherd's Pie on it! I made the recipe and it was scrumptious and only 7 points per serving. Yippee!

Still struggling with exercise. Today is yoga, and I walk with a friend a couple times a week (about 2.5 miles each time) but it's not enough. I need to add more exercise! My goal for the week is to work out one more day even when I really don't feel like it. I need to start to push myself a little bit more if I am ever to get that body that I want. Baby steps! Get to the gym one more day, and do one of my exercise videos one day.

January 16, 2002

Well, Aunt Flo stormed in last night and really annoyed me. THREE POUNDS UP on that nasty scale. Ugh. If I weigh in on Saturday a.m. at a higher weight, i think i'm going to cry.

I've been doing very well staying within my daily points, and drinking enough water. But last night, I went out to my favorite restaurant in town, Margaritas, and really went over points. But that's been the only screw up for the past three weeks, so I figure I'm still doing really well, just have to watch it for the rest of the week to make up for that. But then I get home and surprise, surprise! My little friend is here to visit me. And she weighs three pounds...unless that's the enchiladas...Anyway, I'm drinking water like crazy, and I walked 2.5 miles at lunch time, and I'm going to the gym after work to put in a few more miles. So, I hope and pray I'll still see a loss on that blasted scale on Saturday a.m.!